Something To Fear
by valeriacullen
Summary: In Season 7 of the Walking Dead, Rick is broken, Michonne is his rock, and Carl is a wild card of teenage angst. Or at least this is what should happen. Rick/Michonne and Grimes 2.0. Smut in the future.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: The Aftermath

"God said, the people living in darkness have seen a great light; those living on the land of the shadow of death light has dawned," Father Gabriel's voice hung heavily over the church, as everyone listened intently.

Rick sat in the back, head hung, eyes empty; Michonne cradled his head on her chest. Ever since what happened with Negan just a week ago, he'd barely been able to breathe. He'd wake up screaming from some intense nightmare. Sometimes he'd call out her name with mixtures of 'no' and 'don't leave me' and 'I'm sorry, Glenn.' Besides Morgan, he was the first person that Rick woke up to in this new and horrible world, and he'd thought that he'd changed from the person who would never kill another living soul to this person that he was now, but he was wrong. He felt so helpless. He'd allowed them to die. He'd allowed him to die.

"It's not your fault," Michonne made sure to tell him this every day. "What happened...it wasn't."

After the funeral processions, Michonne took Rick home and laid him down in bed. He crumpled over in it, diminishing into a ball of sobs and pain. She'd never seen him so broken, and each day that he was like this just made her hatred for this Negan guy grow. To do this to the man that she loved, was something that she couldn't bare to watch for much longer before she killed him with her own two hands, and maybe her katana.

"Rick," she said softly, stroking his now sweaty curls. "I...I know how it feels to lose everything. I did, once."

He looked up at her, his crystal clear cerulean eyes met her dark brown ones. He didn't say anything, but for the first time in nearly a week, they weren't pain laced, but curious.

"What happened to you?" his voice was scratchy from his constant sobs and cries, but the gentlest she'd ever heard it. He laid his head in her lap, as she stroked his hair more again. This had become his favorite position, her warmth enveloping him.

"I lost my little boy," she said simply. "He was three, and he was my favorite thing in the world."

Rick began to speak but Michonne stopped him. She wanted to tell him this, he needed to hear this.

"After, I changed," she admitted. "My boyfriend Mike and his best friend had gotten high and left my baby alone. I...was so gone. I just, I made them walk around with me on chains, their arms and jaws cut off."

Rick looked right up at her, but she didn't see judgement in her eyes, but deep understanding. He reached up to tenderly stroke her face, afterwards he touched a loose dread that fell in his face, almost giggling at the feeling. It wasn't a proper thing to do after such a dark thing, but her telling him that, it made him feel something. She'd always make him feel something. Like there would always be more than this darkness. She was the light.

"And everything went dark," she said. "I felt like there was nothing to live for, until I met Andrea. And I never allowed myself to love again until I met you, and Carl."

Rick settled deeper into her embrace. Her strong arms around her, knowing something about who she was before was everything. She was such a mystery to him, this bubbling enigma filled with secrets. He found himself smiling at the thought of her and a little boy. He wanted to know everything about him, and less about the now.

"What was his name?" Rick asked curiously.

"Andre," Michonne said with a confident smile. "Andre Anthony."

:

"I don't know why dad is acting like such a pussy about this shit," Carl sighed as he sat at the dinner table. "I mean, the way that he just folded to them. Nobody else should die and he doesn't care!"

Just as Carl vented to Michonne about how unstable his father was, Rick came trudging down the stairs. There was a bit of pep in his step thanks to Michonne giving him a bubble bath and kissing away some of the pain, but his pain came right back, and his shame at not being able to be good enough for his son. He felt like such a failure to him that he could barely look him in the eye anymore. These days, Carl had stopped wearing his hat, and began sporting an eyepatch over his eye. His hair was slicked back and spikey, Rick hoped this was all just some teenage rebellion phase.

"I'm sorry, Carl," Rick told him. "I'm sorry every day."

"Well, sorry isn't good enough," Carl said. "You're nothing and I'm gonna avenge him. Somebody has to."

With that, he stormed off, leaving the two of them stunned. Michonne averted her eyes to Rick, who was wiping a few stray tears from his eyes. Michonne sighed and took him up to the bedroom again, and laid him down. Once he was relaxed, she knew that it was time to talk business. And Carl. And everything, because they couldn't go on like this forever.

"We need to watch Carl," Michonne told Rick. "This isn't some teenage angst period."

"I dunno what to do about him," Rick sighed, helpless.

"I think that we have to start planning on striking Negan back," Michonne said. The fire in her voice apparent. "We'll give him something to fear."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: The Reckoning

"I don't know if we can," Rick admitted after a long moment of silence. "I don't know if we can win. And...I don't want you out there, without me."

"But if we don't do something, then Carl will," Michonne stood up, sighing.

"Carl knows not to do anything that stupid," Rick insisted.

Michonne began to walk away, but when she looked back at Rick, she saw a man that had been broken. A man that needed someone to be there for him, but on the inside she felt like they had to do something. And for the first time in their relationship, she wanted to go against him, but only to _save_ him. Only to save everyone. That night had changed them all, as they'd all suffered the repercussions of their actions against someone that they had no clue about. Going into his compound, and slaying countless men was not something that she agreed with, but she did it because she believed in Rick. She knew that Rick was not going to let her down, and he didn't. They'd just gotten in over their heads, and it would probably take more than a shovel to dig them out of this mess.

She thought back to the conversation that they'd had at Hilltop. He'd been so cocky and confident then, and she remembered how incredibly _attractive_ it was. To just see a man do whatever it takes to protect his family and feel secure in all of his decisions. But she also remembers just after that talk, and how he quietly and almost shyly asked her about the future. She remembers feeling such warmth for him, such love, such desire. She had this desire to protect him, and to never let anything happen to him. That's why she remained at his side now, to make sure that he'd never fall so hard that he'd never get back up again.

 _"I...," he began. His cheeks were tinted a light pink color. "We never got a chance to talk about what happened."_

 _"We had sex, Rick," Michonne said bluntly._

 _Rick sputtered like a schoolboy. ""I know we did that, and as great as it all was, I have to know that this is as real for you as it is for me."_

 _"It's real," she assures him._

 _"I...um," he pauses._

 _His scratches the top of his head; the ceiling suddenly becoming very interesting._

 _"Is Richard Grimes blushing?" she teases._

 _"No...I ain't doing anything of the sort," he laughs a bit, pulling her in for a kiss._

:

"We have to come up with some sort of plan, a way out of this," she insisted.

"I...dunno...I haven't thought of anything," he tells her.

The way his eyes shift, she knows that he's lying to her. And he's never been one to lie to her. He shifts uncomfortably on the bed, before he gets up and stands straight and still right in her face. She shifts a bit, but looks him right in the eye. _'You can't lie to me, Rick. You never could.'_ And as if surrendering to her spell bounding brown eyes, he finds himself compelled to tell her the truth. To tell her everything that he's thinking. To tell her that he could never lie to her, even before they were together and he'd nearly had an internal panic attack thinking that she'd never forgive him for lying to her about hiding the guns. He knew this time that he couldn't lie to her about what he wanted to do to fight Negan, which for now, was nothing. He wanted to hide in Alexandria, be safe for his family, and gather all of the groups that he could to eventually take Negan down, but what he didn't want was Michonne taken away from him again. He didn't know if he could bare that type of pain twice.

"You remember what I told you when we first came here, right?" she asks him, stepping even closer. "I told you that no matter what, I'm still with you. I meant it."

His unsteady breathing fanned her face, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. "I-I made a plan."

 _Fuck_ , he covered his mouth. He'd just blurted it out like a moron, but this was Michonne. He knew that he wouldn't have been able to lie to her - ever.

"But," he continued. "I don't think that I want Carl to know."

"Carl is your son," Michonne said, not understanding. "You just said that he wasn't-"

"I said that he's not stupid enough to do something like that, not that he's not capable of doing something else," Rick explained. "I...I don't want to lose Carl, or you, or Judith. Or anybody else, Michonne."

"I know that you don't want to lose them, but by not -"

"We'll be doing something," Rick insisted. "We'll be keeping our people safe."

"I want our people safe, I want you safe, I want...," Michonne reached out to touch her hand. "I want to make sure that he's dead."

"And we will, but I just think that...," he trailed off. "Please, understand."

He was almost begging her to understand his point of view, and it took her back to Noah's hometown. How desperate she'd been to show him that there was something _more_ than just being out there in the world, just living day to day with no hopes or dreams of a proper life for their family. Michonne knew that the man standing in front of her was more important to her than anything else, so she put herself in his shoes and decided that she'd go along with this. She just worried about what would happen if Carl did find out.

:

"Where's dad?" Carl asked.

It was nearly midnight, and Michonne had been waiting for him to come back for nearly two hours. She loved Carl to death, though, and understood the trauma that he felt of watching his father, the man that he admired most in the world, just crumbling, just falling apart at the seams. Carl was desperate to prove himself as something more than a child and Rick's son. He was going to get justice for it, and he wasn't going to stop until he killed every last Saviour and brought their heads to Negan himself. His anger had led him to push his father away. And each day that went by that they didn't do _something_ drove him further and further to the ledge.

"He's sleeping," Michonne crossed her hands over her chest. "Where were you?"

"Out," he said, heading towards his room.

"We're not doing that, Carl," Michonne challenged him to say otherwise. "Your dad is doing what he can, for you, for us, and Judith."

"What exactly are we doing?" Carl asked. His voice breaking a bit. "Maggie left today, Enid too. I - actually may have loved her. And now that's gone too."

"Rick didn't mean for any of this to happen, Carl. You have to understand that -"

"I told you that I didn't want to understand! Everyone is leaving and everything is wrong, and this is all dad's fault!" Carl screamed, fresh tears streaming down his face. "And nobody has asked how I'm processing having one fucking eye."

Before Michonne could say anything, Carl stormed off.

:

Rick sat in bed, staring at the ceiling, before Michonne joined him. Hugging him from the back. Today she would be his big spoon.

"I never thanked you," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked him.

"For always being there," he said simply, closing his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Deal

Carl angrily paces the front gates, as he awaits Negan's men to come and take half of their things. Half of the food that could feed his family and community, half of their armory that they could use to defend themselves with, and half of everything that they'd worked so hard to keep. He wanted nothing more than to put a knife to his skull, an take everything from him, but his father was the ruler. But a lot of the time, he struggled to understand his father's varying and complex emotions, and he even thought that his father was _too_ emotional and too ruled by himself. He'd gone into something that he didn't understand, and now everybody was paying for it in a big way.

Just as Carl was about to sneak outside of the gates, Father Gabriel and Spencer walked up from behind him. Father Gabriel had his game face on, and looked serene, calm even; Spencer looked just as angry as Carl did. And that's when it hit Carl, he could use that to his advantage.

"Your father asked me to get you," Father Gabriel said. "There is to be a meeting in the church before we hand over our things to Negan."

"Tell my father that I'll be there, and he'll definitely know," Carl said to Father Gabriel.

The smirk on Carl's face unnerved Father Gabriel, who leaned down to the level of the boy and saw right into his greyish-blue eyes. What he saw in them frightened him, and caused him to nearly revert back to the man that he was; a fearful coward who hid from the devils of this world. He immediately corrected himself, and placed a tender hand on Carl's shoulder.

"Sometimes the devil calls on those who he believes to be strong," Father Gabriel said. "But God's light is stronger."

After he says this, he quickly walks away, leaving Spencer alone with the fragile, angry boy who was definitely not willing to be saved by God's grace at the moment. In Carl, Spencer saw some of himself. Rick had caused the events that lead to his mother and father's death. And instead of feeling relief when he put that walker down, he just felt a burgeoning resentment towards Rick. Ever since he'd come here, they had continued to lose people. They'd lost Glenn, Maggie, Enid, and countless more had left. All Rick had chosen to do was hide in his house and cry like a scared dog. They couldn't just hide without a fight.

When Father Gabriel was out of hearing range, Spencer looked at Carl. "I agree with you," he began. "Your dad isn't doing the right thing."

"I want you to help me do something...," Carl told him in a hushed tone. "But you can't tell my dad."

:

The church seemed empty, as so many people had left since everything happened with Negan. Olivia and a few Alexandrian women sat in the back with Tobin, Aaron, and Eric; Abraham, Sasha, and Eugene sat closer to the front looking solemn and stone faced; Father Gabriel always sat towards the front, Spencer and Carl sat on the other end. Michonne sat the closest to Rick. Tara, Rosita, and Heath sat huddled together next to her. They were all changed people, different people, and the absence of Maggie and Glenn deeply affected them all, and all of the people that they'd lost. Whether to walkers, or people, or both.

When Rick finally did emerge from the church doors, he did not stand in front of them as a confident leader, but as a man torn down by the world. He shook a bit, as sweat pooled above his brow, and his hair was not as perfectly done as it used to be. His stride was weak, his posture unsure of what was to come. He knew that he couldn't tell anyone that they were just going to play possum for months until they could actually strike Negan and win, but as someone who wanted their full support, he had to tell them _something._

"I...," he started. He averted his eyes over to Michonne for support. She gave him a big smile and thumbs up that told him that she was with him no matter how anyone else felt. "I wanted everybody to know that today Negan's men will come. And they'll...they'll take a lot from us, but...it's so that we don't get hurt. And I know," he stopped, looking out into the room full of people, sensing that they weren't in full agreement on this. "That we've lost a lot. We lost...Glenn, Maggie, and all of the others, but we still have each other."

At this point, Carl stood up, angry. "We have each other? Really?"

Everyone gasped at Carl's outburst, but didn't say anything.

Rick continued, almost unsteady. "Everyone here is alive."

"Being alive doesn't mean that we have to be cowards, hiding out like this," Carl began, staring down anyone that dared to speak badly of him. "Being alive doesn't mean that we should just hand over our shit."

"And what do you suggest that we do?" Michonne stood this time. "Carl, it doesn't have to be this way."

"Yes it does, Michonne. And eventually, you'll have to choose a side," Carl said. "I'm choosing the winning side."

"What you're doing, it's not good for you," Michonne said in the most gentle tone. "Your father loves you. I love you."

Carl turned to leave, but Spencer stood, as well as a few Alexandrians in the back. "Carl is right," said Spencer. "If you can't lead us, then someone else can."

And with that, they all left the church and it became even more emptier than before.

"Would anyone else like to leave?" Rick asked.

The remaining few remained, and Rick looked out into the crowd once more for Michonne, who still sat just as strong and resolute about their plan. And even more sure that they couldn't tell Carl about it.

:

"You were right," Rick told her.

"About what?" Michonne asked, confused.

"That we...that we should watch Carl," Rick said.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand, while grasping her hand in the other. They'd just gotten back from giving half of their things to the Saviours, and Rick had never felt so low, so humiliated as he did in that moment. He'd never expected himself to be in a position where he had nothing, and was nothing. He felt it when he was on his knees, he felt it when Negan killed Glenn in front of his very eyes, he lived it when he saw people question his authority. It made him feel the fear that he felt when he'd woken up from a coma in a new and terrifying world.

He moved closer to Michonne on their porch bench, and wrapped an arm around her should. Ever since everything had happened, he felt this instinctual need to touch her, to be close to her, and whenever he did, he felt safe.

When he did that, she leaned over to plant a soft kiss on his lips. She tenderly moved a stray piece of hair that had fallen in his eyes away, and just looked at him.

"You may feel alone, but...,"Michonne paused. "I...I love you. For all that you are, and that's never going to change.

It was the very first time that he'd heard her admit that she loved him. And it surprised him that she was the first one to say it. His body felt so warm from her simple three words, his spirit felt slightly lighter, and all of his worries started to slip away when he realized that he'd never felt this way about anyone before. When he touched her skin, he felt sparks of electricity flowing through his fingertips. When he thought that she was gone, he couldn't breathe or move or think; he'd gone on autopilot. Seeing her come out of Negan's van relieved him for only a half second, before he realized that she could still be taken from him. The thought of that pained him so deeply that he couldn't bare it.

"I've always loved you," he responded. "It took you long enough."

:

"What do you want me to do for you?" Spencer asked Carl.

They were past the gates, and outside of Alexandria.

"I want you to take me to Negan," Carl said, he reached underneath his shirt and pulled out a Saviour gun. "If my dad won't take care of him, I will."


	4. In My Father's Eyes

Chapter Four: In My Father's Eyes

 _When I was a young kid, I remember the sounds of my father's boots clanging against the tiled floor in our small apartment._

 _My mother was angry at dad again. He had just been promoted at King County Sheriff's department from desk work to actual field work, which meant that he couldn't be around as much for me, or for her. And knowing my mother, she really needed someone to be there._

 _"Rick," she nearly begged. "It's late."_

 _"I know," he told her._

 _"Why do you need to work so late all the time?"_

 _She'd press him about this all the time. So much so that I just began to tune it out._

 _I didn't want to think about the fact that he was never here, because I don't think that meant that he didn't care about me._

 _"Lori...," he sighed. Tired, so tired too. "Carl can probably hear us, how about we just-"_

 _"No, we're talking," she insisted._

 _"Okay," he relented, sitting down at the table._

 _"You never talk to me anymore, it's like...I don't know anything about you," she began. "I mean Shane's been tellin' me that you tell him things about us, and Shane fixes stuff for me too. He actually hears me."_

 _"I'm not like Shane, Lori," he said. "I never was."_

 _"I just...when you come in here at nearly one in the mornin' expecting me to be up and waiting, merry as can be about it, then that's when I feel like you don't even care about us at all," she'd said to him._

 _Her words were so ice cold that I never understood what she meant. How mom could say that my father never cared about me._

 _How my mom could never understand his emotions._

 _But now, I don't get them. Or him._

"Carl, wake up!" Spencer's voice booms from somewhere in the distance.

"What?"

Carl stumbles up, immediately pulling out his gun, as if on instinct.

"I think that I hear something," Spencer told him. "Could be a walker, or..."

"It's a person," Carl discerned immediately.

Carl may have been a "kid" to most adults, but his tracking skills were top notch. He could hear the steady footsteps of at least five men, attempting to circle them, but this time, he was prepared for it. He reached behind him and pulled out a second gun, pointing them in each direction and shooting in a circle. Once he heard them fall, he began to run, Spencer following him. They ran and ran for several miles until they came across some sort of compound that was locked behind a fence. On the door it was labeled "The Sanctuary."

Behind the walls, he could barely make out scantily clad women and an air of sophistication about the place. It looked as though it were from another world. He didn't see anyone guarding it, but taking no risks, he asked Spencer to get in formation around him.

"What if we don't come back from this?" Spencer asked. "Would you feel guilty about not telling your father goodbye?"

Carl didn't want to answer that, so he didn't.

But he'd always feel it, the guilt of not being able to look through his father's eyes.

They scaled the walls pretty quickly, and entered pretty quickly. Carl taking out several men who were unprepared for his swiftness until he came across something akin to a maze. He looked around, finally noticing that Spencer had disappeared from behind him, and that's when he heard the whistling.

"What's wrong, little boy?" asked the lead Saviour. The one they called Wade. "You didn't think that you could just charge in here, could you?"

Carl simply glared at him, saying nothing.

"Take his friend to the holding room," Wade said, motioning to distance where Spencer's screams could be heard. "As for you, Negan-he wants you. Let's go."

:

Michonne and Rick sat perched at the gate. Hours passing like the length of days, and as they looked out, they grew more and more worried. Sasha had come to them earlier in the day, and explained to them that somehow Carl, along with Spencer had snuck out into the forest on a trip, but at that time there was nobody to take watch. It made Michonne feel a deep sense of guilt, because at that time, she and Rick were going of the details of their plan. How they'd get the Hilltop to join them, and help them search out other communities under the nose of Negan's men. That they just needed to bide enough time so that they get things going. But time had slipped away, and when Carl didn't show up for dinner that night, they both knew that something was up.

The birds chirped so loudly, the wind howling like a saddened wolf.

The darkness of the road enveloped them both within it, as they became lost in their thoughts.

"Maybe I should go out there," Michonne finally said. "You stay and-"

"No!"

Rick found himself screaming before she could finish her thought.

"No," he said, softer this time. "Please, stay."

She sighed, sensing his need for her, but knowing that Carl. Her Carl was out there; angry, alone, confused, and possibly in danger, and honestly, hurt in more ways than the physical pained her. It made her ache in the deepest of ways.

"But, we can't just stay here," she insisted. "Why can't I just go and get him myself?"

Rick didn't say anything, and for the first time in their relationship, she saw all of the walls around him. Walls that she needed to penetrate, walls that no one else could penetrate. Walls that had probably always been there, walls that were there for a reason.

"Why haven't you let me go anywhere since what happened?"

He turned around, eyes rimmed with unshed tears. "Because I'm scared."

When she doesn't say anything, he turns around again so that his back is to her. His voice drops several octaves.

"I'm...scared."

The words come out not only as an affirmation to her, but an affirmation to himself. For the first time in his life, he's scared.

He's terrified.

He doesn't know what to do.

And he desperately doesn't want to lose her. Not her.

So she does the only thing that she knows to do at that moment. She goes up behind him and embraces him. Her stong, sturdy arms acting as a physical cage of comfort and warmth around him. In that moment, she needed this almost as much as he did, because like him, she was scared. She was terrified that Carl wouldn't return back alive, she was scared that the home that they'd built for themselves would fall apart.

She was terrified of the future and the past at the same time.

"I'm scared too," she finally admitted out loud. "Of becoming the person I was. Of losing you. Carl. Judith. My family all over again. Of being alone."

She finds herself crying a bit, but she continues.

"But, Rick, I won't let you fall."

She pulls her arms from him, and turns him around, reaching her arm out to touch his face.

He melts into her touch, closing his eyes in reverence.

"Why?" He begins. "How can you still believe in me?"

"Because we don't die."


End file.
